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I’m quite happy to touch on this little trouble inside the house: what is a good spot to grow certain plants? 

Julie and I have been struggling to get a few Orchids growing inside. One of them is Phalaenopsis —the Moth Orchid— and another one is Oncidium, especially the “Kandy Dancer” I fell in love with when working in Sri Lanka.

Both are a real pain to get going: tried a north-facing window, an eastern aspect, west, and nothing worked to get these plants growing, let alone flowering!!  

The Irony is that our daughter just chucked them in a south facing bay windowsill and simply couldn’t stop them flowering! 

They get a few seconds of morning sun, are covered in steam (it’s a kitchen bay window), and often get warm ovens heating the site.  

Guess what! We tried it too: south bay window in kitchen, etc, etc. Fertilised them with Orchid Food, spoke to them, read stories at night, etc, ect... NOTHING!  

Yes, we read the books and reduced the moisture regime, got solid fertiliser, liquid fertiliser, extra Potash, no potash, more Nitrogen, less Nitrogen, saw their root zones and decided that Phosphate might be the answer... NADA! 

Our south side bay window is filled with thriving plants, everything grows brilliantly here, except the bloody Orchids!  

We finally did get a little bit of hope from an Oncidium cutting (no comment on the origin of that cutting, by the way). 

Our next attempt: west window, afternoon sun every day, etc, etc. It’s tiny, but it’s alive!  

The point is that sometimes these things happen when you try to grow certain specimens, they don’t always follow the suggestions in the book. The fertiliser regime is quite often hyped-up and the commonest method of killing your plants is by simply over-watering the plants and their roots.  

So… try some neglect.   

Water them when you realise you’ve forgotten to do so for months! 

And when your daughter asks, “what is fertiliser?” try not to get shitty, just learn from that and embrace another tactic. 

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